Nothing kills a relationship faster than unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations cause division in a relationship and with time, division results in the death of a relationship. Over time and after a lot of hurt feelings, I realized that I was squashing my spouse’s confidence by demanding and expecting certain things. The big thing I was expecting was that he would make me happy.

I don’t know what your marriage is like. I don’t know the hurts and disappointments that you’ve faced. But I do know this— you have a choice in how you are going to respond to those challenges. Most of the couples I work with in my counseling practice are wanting and needing the same thing as their spouse. Both feel the same way: disrespected, unloved, and ignored. The way each experiences these is usually different, but as I unpack the pain and hurt, I typically find that both partners are fundamentally wanting, needing, and hurting in almost the exact same way.

You’ve been furloughed.

You’re stuck at home with your spouse and/or children all day.

You’re on another Zoom call instead of communicating face-to-face.

In crisis, it’s normal to feel frustrated and exhausted. When you are feeling frustrated, it’s easy to let those frustrations spill into your marriage. This can look like either distancing yourself from your spouse or becoming easily annoyed with your spouse, resulting in patterns of withdrawal. But when you withdraw from your spouse, you lose an emotional connection, making you more vulnerable to arguments and conflict.

The antidote to this is

Earlier this week, my husband and I were chatting about ways to have a date night in the midst of the challenges associated with shelter-in-place. But this small interaction was yet another example of how, like so many things in our world right now, date night is either non-existent or different. Kids are always around, resources are limited, and exhaustion is at an all-time high. 

Now What? Marriage In the Midst of COVID-19. Thanks to the coronavirus, you and your spouse are now experiencing a new threat, a new challenge. As of this week, most major Texas cities are now sheltering in place. These mandates have led to drastic changes in our daily lives. Whether you or your spouse are essential workers or newly-appointed WFH (work-from-home) professionals, you are facing new challenges in your marriage.

Mindfulness is being present and fully aware of what you are experiencing in the moment.

You may be wondering how this fits in with ways to grow your marriage.

I want you to think about some of the frustrations you’ve experienced in the past couple of days. Were you angry about what happened at that moment? Or were the emotions you were feeling related to hurts from the past or worries about the future? Strengthening Exercise

In today’s scattered and distracted society, the art of listening is steadily declining. Everything from your phone to your job competes for your attention. You’re busy and tired. I get it, and I’m right there with you. But listening is crucial for strengthening your relationships, especially our marriages.

Listening isn’t just about being attentive to what other people are saying. It’s estimated that only 7% of communication involves actual words. Truly listening also involves looking for facial cues and body language and focusing on how the words are said.

Decoding nonverbal communication requires focus and attention. And all of these factors combined can make tuning into what your partner is trying to communicate to you feel incredibly difficult. 

Every year Americans spend billions of dollars buying organic produce and foods.  The promise of the manufactures is a product free from pesticides, hormones, and toxins.  We pay a premium to eat “clean” foods.

By definition, organic means naturally occurring, derived from living matter. Organic food is treated differently than non-organic food. Not only is it free of toxins but it also does not contain anything man-made…it's natural.

We eat organically because who wants to eat pesticides and cancer-giving toxins?  Not me.

Recently, I began to think about relationships.  Most of our relationships are filled with toxins with many unnatural patterns occurring.  I know in my life, unrealistic expectations have caused rifts in important relationships and sadly have ended some relationships.