Reinvigorate Your Marriage with Mindfulness

Mindfulness is being present and fully aware of what you are experiencing in the moment. 

You may be wondering how this fits in with ways to grow your marriage. 

I want you to think about some of the frustrations you’ve experienced in the past couple of days. Were you angry about what happened at that moment? Or were the emotions you were feeling related to hurts from the past or worries about the future? 

When I think back to frustrations in my relationship, I’m often projecting worries and concerns from the past onto the present. This leaves me feeling a lot of shoulda, woulda, coulda feelings. And when I bring up the past in a hurtful way, this often leaves my husband feeling defeated because there’s nothing he can do about it. 

However, if I bring up an issue or something that’s bothering me in the moment, without bringing up the past, he doesn’t feel ambushed or helpless. Such an approach increases the likelihood that you will be truly heard and that you and your spouse will stay connected even during times of conflict. 

Strengthening Exercise: 

• Take a few deep cleansing breaths. Not only does breathing help you to be more mindful, but it also helps regulate your emotions.  

• Observe what you are currently feeling and experiencing. Identify key emotions. 

• Use “I am feeling/experiencing statements” to communicate what you are experiencing with your spouse. 

• Challenge yourself to stay in the present when communicating. This will be hard at first, but the more you communicate, the less “backlog” you’ll bring up.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, I ask that you be with me this week as I practice mindfulness. Your presence is always with me in the here and now. I ask that you help me to be tuned into your presence. Help me to be more aware of what I am feeling in the moment. Help me to also communicate my present thoughts, feelings, and experiences with my spouse in a clear, kind way. Amen. 

*This is intended for married couples in an emotionally, physically, and spiritually safe relationship. If you are in an unsafe or abusive relationship, please seek professional help.