Surviving the QuaranTEEN
I was recently talking with my friend, Alli, about her own quaranteen predicament. She and her husband were in the middle of a well-deserved Sunday nap when their eighteen-year-old barged in.
Her son asked if he could make a run for the border, the Taco Bell sort. In a groggy haze, (you know, when you wake up and have no idea what day or time it is), Alli remembered, “Wait, what, no! We're in lockdown mode!” She had to tell her hungry son to find lunch at home because of social distancing. Frustrated by this turn of events, he slammed the door and stormed off.
If you have a teen, this interaction probably sounds familiar to you. Teens are notorious for power struggles. It’s a right of passage for a teen to at least occasionally fight with his or her parents and defy their authority. But Alli’s son wasn’t just craving food. He was craving socializing with friends and normalcy.
Our teens are living in a new world. Hopefully, it won’t last long, but it does require new parameters as we seek to parent our teens.
How can you keep teenagers home when they so desperately want to be out with their friends, exercising their independence?
Here are some tips that will help you navigate these uncharted waters with your teen:
Show your teenager empathy: Validate their emotions even if you don’t understand why they are bored, lonely, etc. They are experiencing loss right now— loss of routine, friendships, prom, graduation. Many teens are missing out on major milestones.
Talk to your teen about their emotions: You are now your teen’s friend, teacher, and parent. Perhaps you need to implement “office” hours, making yourself available to your teenager and helping them process their emotions.
Ask them what they need from you: Do they need distance? Do they need to process their emotions? By asking them what they need, you will be clarifying expectations for both them and you.
Be creative in finding ways to connect socially. Social distancing is torture for many young people. In times of crisis, we want to be around others. Emotional connection with others brings comfort and normalcy. Help your teens connect with friends and family via FaceTime, online games, and other creative means.
Watch for changes in behavior. As a counselor, I am always concerned about self-harming behaviors such as cutting, eating disorders (binging, purging, and restricting), and suicidal ideations.
Encourage healthy habits. Encourage your teen to maintain a sleep schedule (even if it’s different from their normal school schedule). They should also be getting 30-60 minutes of daily exercise. Journaling and relaxation techniques are also healthy, helpful habits.
Use this time to impart wisdom to your teen. This won’t be a daily occurrence, but watch for opportunities to speak truth, to instill a life lesson, or deepen their prayer life.
Encourage innovation. Suggest that your teen take an online class, learn a new hobby, or maybe even a new language. There are many free online classes and eBooks available.
Practice self-care. You can’t give what you don’t have. Make sure you are taking breaks when you can. Let the dishes, laundry, or whatever go. Just do the best you can right now.
Remind your teen (and yourself) that it’s okay to not be okay right now. It’s okay that they are struggling. You are both doing something that no other parent/teen in history has EVER done. It’s okay that y’all don’t have it figured out. Just help your teen to manage his or her feelings of boredom and loss, and continue to encourage him or her to grow during this crazy time.
This situation can bring out some amazing qualities in both you as a parent and your teen. I’m seeing a lot of inspiring stories on social media. One of my favorites is how trees grow. Trees grow not only through sunlight and water but also through the wind. It’s the resistance from wind that helps to anchor and strengthen roots.
Let this experience strengthen your family.
You’ve got this!
Share this with a friend or teen. Be sure to follow me on Facebook and Instagram @melissaclarkcounseling. I am going live every weekday morning at 9 am to be your Counselor On-Call. DM and message me your questions.
Blessings to you and your family,
Melissa