As we approach the first days of 2020, we’re not only about to write the opening pages of a new year, but also a new decade. My wish for you is that your life in 2020 is filled with vision, passion, and purpose. And you don’t need a lot of these to make a profound impact on your life. Just like with cooking, a pinch of seasoning will often do. 

My hope is that the list below will help you increase vision, passion, and purpose in the coming year so that you can live out the amazing destiny and call created for you by God.

Gratitude shouldn't be limited to our once-a-year homage to the almighty turkey and manic shopping behaviors (I totally black-Friday shop every year). You've heard the clichéd line about having an "attitude of gratitude." But gratitude is more than an attitude. Gratitude is a lifestyle choice. It’s a conscious choice to look beyond your circumstances. 

Gratitude allows you to see problems and weaknesses as opportunities. A thankful heart sees beyond circumstances because struggles are no longer setbacks. Instead of being limited by external events, you are in control of your actions. Gratitude allows you to move from frustration and disappointment to contentment and joy. 

A common goal for the clients I work with is for them to have compassion for themselves. All too often we are our biggest critics, holding ourselves to an impossible standard. And when that standard isn’t met, shame and self-contempt follow. I know this has been the case in my life. It’s only through a biblical understanding of love that can we truly become healthy— through loving others and loving ourselves, the way Christ intends. 

In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus says, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them” (The Message). 

Mistakenly, we base our worth on our performance, our perfection, our appearance, and what other people think of us. When we do this, our sense of self-worth is continually in flux. Like a child on a teeter-totter, we’re up one minute and down the next. I’m guessing you have struggled with your self-confidence at some point in your life. We all do. At a core level, we all want to feel and know we are worthy. But the only way you will know you are worthy is if you believe you are worthy. Self-worth comes from knowing where— and who— your worth comes from.

If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, then you’ve certainly heard “your worth comes from Christ.” And yes, this is true. We know this. We read about it. We can say it to others. But why then do we struggle to believe it for ourselves? Why do those doubts always surface, raising questions about whether or not we’re truly worthy? These doubts can be caused by all sorts of situations and circumstances: when you are single and you wonder why you haven’t found “your person.” When you’re dealing with a demanding, demeaning boss. When you are triggered by the voices in your head, voices that tell you that you aren’t worthy, you aren’t good enough, that you don’t really matter.

The calendar says it’s September. Daydreams of cooler temperatures and long walks in your new boots as you sip a pumpkin spice latte drift through your mind. Meanwhile, you are sweating because even though the calendar may tell you it’s fall, it still feels like summer here in the South. Many of us wish for crisp, cool air instead of having to huddle in air conditioning. We long for a different season, for summer to give way to fall. We long for change. 

This longing for seasonal change also plays out in our lives. Sometimes we long for life change, to move out of a difficult season because it feels like the season just keeps going on and on with no hope of variation. You feel miserable, bored, and exhausted every single day. Isn’t there supposed to be more than this? Whether it’s a lonely and disconnected marriage or a job that doesn’t inspire you, you feel stuck. You want to feel purpose and meaning, but all you feel is passionless and mundane.

There are voices in my head. No, I’m not a crazy person. These voices are usually faint whispers that taunt me, telling me “You aren’t good enough. You’ll never be good enough.”  As these words echo through my mind, hope slips like sand through my hands. The power I possess vanishes. Why bother? I'll never be able to ___, I think, cowering to the power of this dark voice.

Another voice tells me “You should be farther along by now. Just look at that person online or that person over there. They are so much more advanced in their careers, and she’s definitely a better mother than you. You’re such a failure.” 

Many of us want our lives to have meaning and purpose. By “purpose,” I simply mean knowing the whys of our actions and pursuits. According to a Deloitte Millennial Survey, 6 in 10 respondents said “sense of purpose” is part of the reason they chose their current employer.

This sounds very philosophical and worthwhile. But if you look underneath the pursuit of purpose, you may be surprised at what you find.

You may find apathy. Why? Because many of us are seeking out purpose and not finding it. Jobs aren’t meeting expectations, relationships aren’t what they’re supposed to be, all resulting in more stress. 

Anxiety describes a group of disorders that cause worry, nervousness, and fear. The feelings associated with anxiety interfere with everyday life by causing physical changes in the body, irrational thinking, and decreased motivation. 

Most individuals will struggle with anxiety at some point in their life. Personally, I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was a child; as a result, stomachaches were frequent occurrences for me. I often escaped to the nurse’s office, asking to go home because I wanted to be in an emotionally comfortable place. My anxiety typically involved worrying about something happening to my parents and my own health, but most often, it concerned school. 

When I was elementary school, my anxious feelings would start on Sundays. My anxiety would usually begin around the middle of the afternoon. Like watching clouds roll in, so would my dread for the coming week. As the night progressed, my anxiety amplified dreading the coming week. . I remember lying awake each Sunday night, watching the minutes and hours tick by. It seemed like with each passing moment, my worry about the coming week only grew.

What are the biggest pitfalls you see in marriage?

The slow drift. I see countless couples who wonder how they got to this place of disconnect - feeling more like friends than intimate partners. Couples are slowly moving apart as a a result of day-to-day lack of intentionality. Not always, but it is usually due to the busyness of everyday life. Schedules get filled with activities, groups, and volunteer time. Nights at home are occupied with homework help, catching up on details of the day, preparing for the next day, and relaxing for a few minutes before you start the next day. Our time is the most important commodity, and generations past have not needed to protect their time like we now need to. Intentionality in how we spend our time is a must to a thriving marriage. It doesn’t have to be week-long romantic getaways or even date nights - yet finding moments in the every day for alone time to connect goes a long way. It’s the discipline to choose your spouse over what is grabbing for your attention or time. Your kids, your phones, other people, or Netflix.

Last month, I wrote an article about self-love. After sitting with client after client who struggles to offer themselves love and compassion, I began digging into scripture to see what Jesus says about loving ourselves. Many of you reached out to me saying how much you enjoyed reading the post. And you echoed the struggle for self-love because it feels prideful and selfish.

I know for myself, knowledge comes first and application seems to lag behind. I want to continue the conversation about self-love and offer you what I hope are practical, tangible ways to pursue love. Love is the central tenet of the gospel— God loved us so much that he gave us Christ. When you look at the Bible through the lens of love, you see the theme repeated over and over again. So why is it so hard to love ourselves?

Every moment of every day, you are given access to a powerful tool. There is no other tool like it on the market. It possesses the ability to create life or produce destruction.

Can you guess what that tool is?

It's your inner thoughts.

I wrote this book for speakers and teachers. A surprising outcome has been how deeply it has impacted learners! Several years ago, I was at the Christian Counselors of Texas listening to a presentation on neuroscience and attachment. The emphasis was on the idea that attachment is a right brain function and language and “learning” more a left-brain function.

At that moment this book was birthed in my mind. It occurred to me how many of our attempts to help others change come from helping them know information. Yet to really reach the part of them that produces deep change left brain learning processes might actually be an obstacle.

From that thought until May of this year I have explored a range of theories and ideas about change and the human soul. This book, Think Differently Learn Differently, is the result of that exploration.

It's Monday morning and my kids are at swim lessons.  I love swim lessons, 40 glorious minutes all to myself...usually taking the time to read (today's reading is Present and Perfect by Shauna Nieuquist.)

My blissful quiet moments are cut short by a young boy.  The panic in his eyes and the way he grips onto his mother as if she is his life-preserver-to-all-things-safe catches my attention.

I'm trying not to stare but the panic in his eyes and his labor breathing distracts me from my book.

I don’t know about you but procrastination has to be one of the most frustrating behavior traits.

Think about it, you go to bed determined to wake up early and exercise.  Only to find yourself hitting the snooze button multiple times leaving you only a few minutes to spare frantically brushing your teeth and throwing on something clean (at least you hope so).

So frustrating.