THRIVE Episode 13: An Interview with Rachel Kang
Hi, I’m Melissa Clark. I’m a professional counselor in the Dallas area with a passion for helping you overcome challenges, process painful emotions, and understand your God-given identity.
I am so glad that you are here! This is a series format. This means each month you will hear about different mental health topics. These are issues I’m thinking about, seeing in my office, or have personally experienced. Here are some examples: anxiety, negative thoughts, parenting a child with mental issues - and so much more. We will be looking at these topics from a Christian perspective.
Some weeks I will interview professional colleagues, some weeks I’ll be interviewing friends, and others will be me - sharing my story and perspective on these important topics. Be sure to tune into the final episode of each topic, I’ll give you an opportunity to put everything you’ve learned into practice.
Thank you so much for being here! I believe listening to this podcast will leave you feeling excited, educated, and empowered.
We are in new the middle of a series on soul care. Last week’s interview with Becky Lauridsen was so good! I loved her practical advice on soul care and how we can practice this daily.
Today we will continue the conversation with a new friend of mine, Rachel Kang:
Rachel Kang is a writer, editor, and the creator of Indelible Ink Writers, an online writing community full of journal-keepers and closet poets. She is a graduate of Nyack College in New York where she studied Creative Writing with Bible and Christian Ministry. Rachel's writing has been featured in Christianity Today, (in)courage, and My Influence Circle. When she is not hiding behind the pages of poetry and paperback, you'll find her drinking tea, chasing laundry piles, and stealing away for mornings at the lake. She lives with her family in North Carolina, a blink away from The Queen City.
MC: How do you feel soul care and self-care are different?
RK: This is such a beautiful question. I think I love it for its complexity since there’s so much to consider when it comes to talking about soul care and self care. But I also love this question for its relevance.
How does this not relate to each one of us, at one point or another?
It seems we’re always grasping to better understand or better practice either soul care or self care — or both at the same time.
At least, that’s what it feels like for me. It really does feel like a tension—like a tug of war, trying to have a hold on two different things at the same time.
And it’s not bad that soul care and self care are different. In fact it’s a really good thing.
We are all so different, and so deep, and so diverse, and honestly just deficient in different areas of our lives that care in any capacity should look different.
We are mind, body, soul—both individually and then collectively. And so, I think defining and discerning the differences between soul care and self care is just as important as deciding to implement them into our daily lives.
If you think about the different layers that make us up—mind, body, soul—each one of these aspects needs to be attended to differently.
The one that seems to make the most sense to us in the body. We know we need to stay active. We know we need to eat well, get good sleep, drink enough water—right? For the most part we get that we need to take care of our bodies to the best of our ability—however strong or weak they may be.
MC: But then there’s the inside of us, the core of us, the heart of us, the soul of us—what’s beneath the shell of our bodies.
RK: The deeper we go, the more layers there are to dig through, which makes it hard to know how and when we are caring for matters of the soul...and simply matters of ourselves.
The two aren’t interchangeable. And yet, nor is either one inferior to the other.
They are more so interdependent—with soul care looking more like attending to our emotions and eternity. And self care being more of an attendance to one’s own self—personality and pleasures—any and everything that makes you....you.
I know for me I’m always juggling to know what this means and what this looks like.
In some seasons, it makes so much sense. In other seasons, it feels like I’m stumbling my way through caring for my soul and my self.
MC: What challenges do you face practicing soul care?
RK: You know, soul care is hard right now. Soul care is so hard because, with all that is going on with Covid-19, it feels like society needs more care than my soul does. And that’s the age-old battle when it comes to soul care, right? Putting the needs of others before our own.
I think it’s especially hard to practice soul care right now because the amount of care that our world needs right now is unprecedented.
People are sick and suffering, people are losing jobs left and right, schools have shut down, church’s have closed. Our lives are all out of routine and rhythm—and this is not just here in the United States. It’s overseas—all over the world.
MC: Soul care is a discipline—and disciplines get disrupted when routines change.
RK: Right now, the routines in my home have all been flipped upside down.
My husband and I both work in church’s, and along with that, I lead an online writing community. And then I’m a mom to a two year old—a critical age where kids are learning to embrace and even expect routine.
I’m also juggling the reality of living in a state that I call home, but that is different from where I was born and raised.
So my soul care is slim and feels like it has been put on the back burner as I’ve bent over backwards to check in with family at home, friends at home—lead those I’ve been called to lead.
I think there’s a certain grace that’s available to those who practice soul care.
It doesn’t just save for the moment, but it’s meant to store up strength in the soul for the really tough times—a strength that can sustain the wacky and weird seasons that we sometimes slip into.
MC: How have you overcome these challenges? What are practical ways to practice social distancing without being socially distant?
RK: I think adaptation is a worthy skill and tool to foster. The ability to change in the midst of changing circumstances.
I’m learning to not feel weird or wrong for feeling or thinking this way—But I’ve been trying to take this whole Covid-19 situation as less of an intrusion and more of an invitation.
It’s interrupted every single one of my plans. I’m a floundering mess, swimming in laundry piles, repeat meals made from pasta in the pantry, and an endless loop of days that bleed from one into the other. Gone are my predictable midday, toddler nap times. Gone are my go-to writing sessions. Gone are my car rides to work, blasting worship or praying in the sanctuary of my silent car.
But if I’m open to adapting, content with adapting, expectant when adapting—I’ll see the Holy in holding my son’s hands and praying with him. I’ll sense God’s peace and presence, as this pandemic pushes me to take pause outside.
The eyes of my heart are being opened to see God leading me beside green pastures. YOu know, Psalm 23. Restoring my soul. And in this, I’m caring for my soul, too.
It doesn’t look like it used to.
But it’s like going from running in the warm summer months, to working out inside in the cold summer months. If we can accept and adapt to the change in care for our bodies in changing seasons, can’t we do the same for our souls?
PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING
I’m a lover of letters. Long form communication. Lengthy emails.
Leaning in to being content with the less convenient ways to communicate is how we'll make the most of this season.
Call your friend, even without the ease of having coffee with them. Have a Zoom birthday party. I just had my first one yesterday.
Send an email.
Talk to your actual neighbor through your screen door. I just did this yesterday too. It felt good to flag down my neighbor and call him over instead of hide and avoid him.
Write. Join an online community (Indelible Ink Writers)—they aren’t substitutes for the real thing. They are the real thing.
MC: How do you believe soul care is Scriptural?
RK: Ah! I love this question! Soul care is everywhere in the bible. A few of my favorite people and places that show soul care in the scriptures are: 1 Samuel 1 where Hannah pours out her heart to God. She is broken and barren and she brings all of that, with prayers on her lips, to her God. Before she tells a single soul—she tells God. Openly confessing that state of her soul—the sorrow in her soul. She turns to him for consolation and comfort and healing. Her story always sticks out in my mind because I want to be just like that. I want my first response to always be to turn and run to God.
I love verse eighteen—where we get to see, not only the process of Hannah pouring out her heart—but the product of it.. 18 “Think well of me—and pray for me!” she said, and went her way. Then she ate heartily, her face radiant.
That’s what attending to the matters of the soul looks like. It looks like relief. It looks like radiance—even when we don’t get everything we want.
We have books like the Psalms that are rich with writings of people pouring out their hearts before God. Psalm 43 is a good one — Oh my soul...why are you downcast within me.
We have letters written by Paul that attend to the matters in his heart—things he needed and wanted to communicate to the people he loved. Writing was a way for Paul to process the prison, the pain, and everything that came along with being in a position like his.
It also goes to show that soul care looks different for different people. Sometimes it looks like writing, or journaling, or composing songs. Sometimes it looks like painting or praying, or crying and pouring out your soul. It can look like gardening and weeding—I’ve had some of the deepest revelations about God and about myself while gardening. It can look like dancing...sitting at an empty table with a cup of coffee, God’s word, and just—exhaling. And this is where that intersection comes between self care and soul care—sometimes we get to do the things we love and attend to matters of the soul at the same time. And sometimes, soul care does look a little bit more like hard work—sitting in counseling, or having hard conversations, or picking up the shattered pieces of our hearts and offering them to God in prayer.
And then—I also just have to say...we are shown in scripture, time and time again, just how much God cares for our bodies and our whole selves, just as much as he cares about our souls—the state of our emotions and our eternity.
God is holy—but he’s also holistic. We think he’s only concerned with our piety, but he’s so much more than that.
The proof is in the pages:
One of my favorite places in the bible is Mark chapter 5 girl—Jesus is just healing people left and right. At the very end of Mark chapter 5 (Mark 5:21-43) we read about a young girl that Jesus raises to life. The story goes that Jesus is on his way to help heal her, and for more reasons than I can go into right now, Jesus doesn’t make it in time to help this young girl. And she dies. But Jesus brings this girl back to live—restoring life and breath back into her soul, he raises her up.
But here’s my favorite part:
“Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”).42 Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. 43 He gave strict orders not to let anyone know about this, and told them to give her something to eat.
I love this so much, I always have—because, as much as our soul’s matter to Christ—so do our bodies and our well-being. And I just can’t help but think—what if we leaned in more to hear him speaking care over our whole selves...what if we listened more to hear him say how to feed and replenish and care for ourselves with good and nourishing things?
MC: How has practicing soul care strengthened your relationships?
RK: I’m a better mom, daughter, friend, leader, worker, writer—when I take time to lean into the matters that matter to my soul.
Writing helps me reflect, examine myself, challenge myself, known myself, see where I’ve grown. And strayed. And prayed. And trusted. And doubted.
The more I reflect and grieve and force myself to face, the more I’m able to help others face what they need to. Not that I’m perfect. Or have it all together.
But my load is lighter. And because of that. I can help carry someone else’s.
MC: What is getting you excited right now?
RK: Ah! A couple of things!
So, here are a few secrets that not many people know about me. I’m not a big TV show person. It takes a lot for me to be drawn to follow through with watching a show week after week, season after season. But one show that I can’t get enough of is The Voice. It comes on Mondays at 8PM, and sometimes Tuesdays, too. The singer, the artist, the feeler, the critic, and the encourager in me all come alive when watching The Voice. Every Monday night, I gather around the TV with my husband and my son and it’s like everything in the world comes to a stand still when The Voice is on. So we’re pretty excited about finding out who will win this season.
I also can’t stop thinking about an exciting retreat that I’ll be going on a couple of months. I was awarded a Diversity Scholarship for a writer’s retreat that will be taking place in Little Switzerland in North Carolina's Blue Ridge Mountains. I’ll be digging into the craft of Creative Nonfiction, and just know I’m gonna learn some amazing things and meet some incredible people.
MC: What podcasts are you into right now?
RK: I jump around a bit, and always like to visit different podcasts to get a sense of what’s out there. But two that I always come back to and that I always recommend to others are:
Novel Marketing with Thomas Umstattd Jr.
Building a StoryBrand with Donald Miller
MC: What book are you reading or recently read that you’re loving?
RK: I have a confession. I’m a bit of a book junkie. I’m definitely the woman who checks out massive piles of books from the library and then accrues fines because she doesn’t ever return the books on time. I’m a slow reader—I like to take my time with the books I read. Even the most exciting plots—I savor them and try so hard to make them pass slowly. I remember years back — I was at the beach on the Jersey shore reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (SEE-BOLD). Though I had only a few chapters to go before finishing the book, I remember deliberately closing the book that day at the beach and waiting until summer was over to pick it back up again and finish it. I hate for good books to end.
I’m also always secretly reading more than one book at a time. Right now I’m attempting to get through a couple of project-based reading assignments for an internship that I have with an author. For pleasure, I just started reading Here I Am by Jonathan Safran (SAFREN) Foer (FOUR) and This Too Shall Last by my friend K.J. Ramsey. Shameless plug—I am anxiously awaiting the release of Alli Worthington’s next book Standing Strong which I so happen to be on the cover of! It comes out this fall, so be on the lookout for it!
MC: Where can we find you?
RK:
Find me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @rachelmariekang
Visit rachelmariekang.com for my story, my writings, and info on everything that I'm up to
To see the beautiful words and work coming out of my writing community, follow us on Instagram at @indelibleinkwriters
https://www.rachelmariekang.com
https://twitter.com/rachelmariekang/
https://facebook.com/rachelmariekang/
https://instagram.com/rachelmariekang/
https://www.indelibleinkwriters.com
https://instagram.com/indelibleinkwriters/
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Be sure to tune in next week, where we continue our conversation on Soul Care.
Have a great week!